antara sedar atau pun nk hari ni dah ramadan ke-16. rasa mcm cpt jer masa berlalu dan i x sedar pun ramadan dah separuh habis. how's my life during ramadan? well masih mcm biasa cuma office hour i till 4pm only. management allow us to leave the office at 4pm to avoid traffic jam. karang berlonggok pulak yg berbuka puasa dlm kereta. tu kira ok, belum lg yg terawih dlm kereta kan hehehe...actually this week baru i masuk office n puasa kt negeri di bwh bayu nih. before this i kt kl attend several meetings. letih attend meeting bnyk2 nih. so mrasa la kan i berbuka seawal jam 6.15pm. ala sbnrnya x rasa sgt masa tu berlalu. tau2 jer dah nk berbuka. kdg2 i sendiri terlewat berbuka sbb bila dah duduk mengadap laptop ni tau2 je la kan.

masa hari ke-2 ramadan my department semua berbuka kt seri melayu. as usual tersgt rugi la sbb bwk i berbuka secara buffet sbb i mmg x mkn bnyk. so hari tu i hanya berbuka dgn warm water, bubur pulut durian n buah2 jer. daging ke ayam ke sate ke ikan ke...i mmg x sentuh langsung. i just tgk je org lain mkn dgn takde perasaan. dia? of course la dia ada tp meja lain sbb i dtg awal. haruslah yg tukang bayar kena dtg awal kannnnn. as usual dia mesti mkn buah dulu. boleh tahan jugak tgk dia mkn masa berbuka tuh. i ni yg dah surrender awal2 apalagi terus la snap2 pic dia. ada bnyk dlm i punya collection and most of it are candid pics. suka la tgk gmbr2 candid ni hehe.

next 2 weeks akan celebrate hari raya aidilfitri. i sendiri pun x sure how should i feel sbb bila dah besar pnjg ni i rasa cuti raya tu almost the same like other public holiday. the different is only ramadan. i rasa mcm i lebih suka ramadan drp raya. selain berat i ni yg semakin kurang, i rasa lebih tenang dlm bulan ramadan ni especially bila i terjaga waktu 1/3 mlm. nk kata solat tahajud bagai takde la tp bila i tgk langit waktu tu mmg tenang. no wonder la Nabi suruh umatnya bangun waktu 1/3 mlm. i pun semakin suka bangun pada waktu tu.

friends? hmmm...sepanjang bulan puasa ni mmg i ada berbuka puasa dgn few friends tp x ramai la. hanya dgn kb2 i jer. i kan skrg mmg selective n i pedulik hapa org nk kata. yg penting i'm happy to hang around the kb2 i. tp so far mcm baru berbuka dgn 2 org kb i jer hehehe...sorang kt negeri di bwh bayu ni n sorang lg kt kl. i lebih senang dgn they all sbb senang nk bercerita n depa org sgt memahami. erm...budak jahat? ntah i x nmpk dia lg sepanjang ramadan ni. maafkan dia? dah lama i maafkan dia cuma antara kami i takmo terlalu rapat. i rasa mcm menyesal bercerita dgn dia. nasib baik i x terlanjur bercerita benda2 yg sgt personal. kalau tak mesti i regret giler.

ok la...selamat meneruskan puasa uol di bulan ramadan al-mubarak ini.

selamat menyambut ramadhan al-mubarak

semoga ramadhan kali ini membawa seribu pengertian dalam mendidik jiwa kalian

luv u and miss u so much...

my love for u is a journey;
starting at forever and ending at never...

-----<@

bila terasa rindu...ku sebut namamu dgn harapan kau kan muncul dlm tidurku. Tuhan sesungguhnya i miss him so much.

me: eh this yr is your full bonus kan. 5 bulan ek. so apalagi...:)

dia: apelagi? amboi ko punya aku x mrasa lg dah pow aku heh...

me: hehe...takde la saja nk sakat. x payahlah belanja aku. simpan je buat kawin. aku lain la the money mmg utk aku sorang jer.

dia: :) aku belanja budu nak?

me: euwww...takmo! keji tau. suka2 hati jer. drp mkn budu aku lebih rela telan petai satu papan tau

dia: belum cuba belum tau...haha. hari ni aku gado dgn awek

me: awat gado pulak ni? jarang jumpa pun gado ke? saja la tu kan cari pasal

dia: tahlah...kadang2 aku ckp utk kebaikan dia. dia cpt sgt salah anggap

me: kn awal2 nabi dah ckp pompuan ni akal 1 jer. so tugas org lelaki yg akal 9 utk bimbing n didik. nk bimbing org ni kena la byk sabar...

dia: tu la kadang2 aku mkn hati jugak bnyk kali dah :(

me: jgn la mcm tu. dah kawin nanti lg bnyk cabaran. u know her better kan. a gd husband is the kind yg pandai didik isteri. guna akal yg 9 tu utk kawal 9 nafsu dia.

dia: i know, cuma kadang2 aku terasa hati je. sebak dada dibuatnya. takpe pandai2 la aku nanti

me: aku faham tu. yelah kita pun ada perasaan yg perlu dijaga yg kadang2 terguris tp sedangkan lidah lg tergigit. jgn la sedih. maybe korang spend less time together.

dia: its ok. just bg aku masa alone, bg jiwa ni tenteram. ko dah mkn? ops lupa ko x mkn mlm :)

me: tau takpe. kau tu dah mkn ke? pi la mkn if belum lg. jgn ikut hati sgt karang sendiri yg susah. if u hv to cry, nanges jer. tp aku tau kau lg kuat drp aku.

dia: takpe jgn risaukan aku. aku down2 pun nasi 2 pinggan steady jer :p

me: hehe. glad to hear that. my last advise is if still rasa down bgn la 1/3 mlm sbb tu waktu yg paling bagus utk ubat hati. sbb tu if i miss u i wake up at that hrs. so gd nite n take care urself. jgn mkn mlm bnyk sgt karang perut buncit x hensem :p

dia: :) thanx for the advise. take care!

Tuhan maafkan diri ini yg tak pernah bisa menjauh dr angan tentangnya. namun apakan daya ini bila ternyata sesungguhnya aku terlalu cinta dia...

erm...pernahkah uol fall in love? falling in love sometimes can be hurt isn't it? erm... especially when u fall for a wrong person. i myself not really sure. tp dia mcm a bit caring. just imagine, every single thing dia akan beritahu i. mcm2 hal we shared together. hari tu dia almost start merokok. i sgt marah bila i dpt tau. mmg berubah muka i masa tu. tp at the end dia managed to stop it. dia tau i mmg x suka dia merokok dan masa dia nk start balik tu i adalah antara org2 yg menyebabkan dia rasa cukup bersalah.

but at the same time dia sgt sygkan gf dia. the way he treat his gf i tau dia mmg sgt2 sygkan gf dia. tu yg buat i sedikit sedih tu. bila dia sms ckp dia dgn gf, terus i akan terasa hati sikit. i pun x tau kenapa. maybe sbb i suka dia kot. later dia ckp dia akan kawin dgn gf dia. masa tu nanti i pun x tau how should i react. for sure i won't come for the wedding. yelah giler ke apa...tetiba i nanges i nk jwb apa bila org tanya. huh tu la maybe org2 mcm were cursed to be lonely...takpelah i terima dgn seadanya. i takkan salahkan Dia yg cipta i.

sometimes i wonder...kenapa hidup i x mcm org lain.

i pun x tau berapa lama lg i akan berada kt negeri di bwh bayu ni. last 2 weeks my bos di kl send an email asking me to be prepared for transfer by next april. i rasa mcm cpt sgt masa berlalu. i baru je nk menikmati my happy live kt sini (happy life ke??). masa i dpt mail tu i terus terkedu kejap. i stop doing my work for a while n start thinking.

bnyk benda yg i belajar kt sini dan i sgt suka dgn tmpt keje i skrg. senang nk bekerjasama dgn org2 kt office sini. sometimes i feel i belong here. if i pegi kl mesti x boleh lama2. i rasa mcm x betah duduk kt tmpt sendiri. hujan emas negeri org, hujan batu negeri sendiri; baik lg negeri sendiri. is it valid?

i'm gonna miss this place so much especially all my officemate. so i decided dgn masa yg tinggal ni i wanna spend every single day dgn semua org yg i feel comfortable with n those yg akan i miss later. i rasa i don't wanna hv any problem with everybody. i dah dpt settlekan satu perkara yg dah lama berlaku since last january lg. even though i rasa mcm x selesa tp i paksa diri utk terima jugak.

skrg tinggal isu budak jahat tuh. i pun x tau cam mana nk buat. hati i masih sakit mengenangkan apa yg dah berlaku. i wish i never know him at the first place. kenapa perlu i kenal dia? it is a really big mistake by knowing him. part of wants to end it but another part of me prefer status quo. shud i lps ni if i jumpa dia kt mana2 i akan ckp "do i know u somewhere?" or "do i know u?". if i fikirkan mmg la kejam tp hati i yg sakit nih sapa nk jwb?

erm...i wish somebody can tell me what to do or at least give me a second thought.

rindu bangat sama dia. so sms him yesterday...but deep inside my heart i'm worried if he didn't reply my sms coz he's usually bz with his work during weekdays.

me: hi...how r u? just wanna drop by 2 say 'hi'...

dia: fine.aku rasa nk lepak office je mls nk kuar...

me: lepak la ofis.aku penat ni.semlm ada 2 event serentak.golf dgn basketball.gm ada.ngantuk!

dia: ko pakai spek itam pastu lelap mata tdo.

me: haha...mr bean sgt.aku kt luar ni.ingst nk balik rumah awal ptg ni.tp at last jam 9 gak baru balik.awat malas nk kuar?

dia: maybe takde mood, or maybe panas gila or aku just nk mengadap laptop wat keje je...

me: betul la skrg panas hazab.hangus aku.x tau la apa yg golfer n budak2 basketball tu rasa main tgh panas.aku la emcee aku la cameraman.opss...bebel la pulak

dia: takpe dah biasa.kulit aku yg tersorok belakang bingkai spek putih tp luar itam.pakai lens xble dah huhu.alamak aku pun bebel

me: pakai la lense selalu like me.semlm masa tgh naik buggy sambil snap2 pic sempat la belajar pasal golf dgn budak yg drive tu.erm...rindu la kt kau...

dia: :) meeting next month la fiz...

me: tu la...aku tgh lunch kt chicken rice yg baru bukak.dulu we eat dgn ben kt kl sentral aku belanja masa workshop.x ingat la tu.

dia: ingat.dgn paitee dia yg 1st time aku rasa,ben mkn mcm godzila

me: hehe...since that day i started to know u n learn about u.eh x kuar lunch?

dia: reminiscing memories nmpk,hehe.aku tgh tunggu kwn,lmbt sgt...

me: sbb i sit kt chicken rice n suddenly it reminds me about u.k la send my regards to your friend.hv a nice day.

that's what was happened yesterday. x sangka pulak dia reply on the spot. mcm x sabar nk jumpa dia kt kl padahal baru je jumpa dia x sampai sebulan. i sibuk, dia pun sibuk. sometimes bila i tgh duduk sorang2 baru la teringat kt dia.

masa my company punya anniversary dinner i kan jd emcee so i asked him to wish me a good luck sbb i sgt nervous tiba2:

me: wish me luck tonite for emceeing the anniversary dinner. berdebar la pulak hehe :)

dia: u don't need a wish, u r born lucky :) hv fun tonite!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...rindu!!!

meeting? meeting apakah ittew??? i'm not talking about the meeting that i use to attend daily ok. it's about meeting somebody that i'm trying to remove from my life...si budak jahat.

rasanya recently i met him quite frequent. it's all co-incident. fyi, he works at level 7 and i always go to that level for official business. my focal person is at that level so wheter i like it or not i've to get there. halooo...bukan i sengaja ok n i x cari pun dia kt level tu.

last wednesday i mmg ada meeting dgn few people frm his section. so i kerap la naik level 7 tuh. tetiba masa i nk pegi kt life i bertembung dgn dia. he said 'hai' n i pun jwb je la 'hai' without asking further question; perlu ke? dinch perlu la kan. he started it so he's the one to end it.

ok ni cerita lain pulak, takde kena mengena dgn budak jahat tu. pg td i woke up late dlm 6.45am. so apalagi kelam kabut la i nk bersiap. sampai office pun dah 7.30am. so i beli la breakfast kt gerai kt dpn office as usual. tgh i borak2 dgn mummy i ternmpk one guy nih yg keje kt level 1. since usually i arrive early in the morning, so i selalu la nmpk dia frm my floor at level 2. he's kinda cute la jugak. i mcm suka la tgk dia *mati la confession...

so pg td suddenly dia stop by kt gerai tu n buy his breakfast. pelik jugak, selama i tgk dia frm my floor tak pernah pun dia singgah beli kt situ. erm maybe dia lapar kot. but at the end i buat kesimpulan, maybe dia nk ckp dgn i tp since i ni kan kewat terlebih n asyik dok mendongak ke langit, dia cam segan la nk tegur i.

masa i nk turun solat maghrib lps balik dr gym i terserempak dgn dia lg. kali ni i tegur la dia n dia pun ok la tegur i segala. erm...cute la budak tuh hehe. i mcm tersuka pulak tgk dia. tp kan i'm leaving within a yr. i x nk la i masa yg i ada ni dipenuhi dgn anger n benda2 yg buatkan i sedih.

hope before i left, i'll be leaving with a sweet memories...

what do u think about sending ur children to a boarding school? i ni sekolah kt boarding school since i was in form 1 till form 5. i've been away from the family till now. tak pernah i lekat kt rumah lama2. every single thing ada pro and cons termasuklah idea nk menghantar anak korang ke boarding school.

let me share how do i feel for being sent to a boarding school at a very young age; mmg mentah giler masa tu n x tau apa2 langsung. just imagine, umur baru la nk menjangkau 13 tahun. budak2 apa la yg tau. so i lebih bnyk belajar dgn kawan2 n i lebih bnyk berckp dgn kawan2 daripada dgn my parents. if uol nk tau, my some of my friends knows me a lot better than my own parents. why? coz i've spent more time with them till now.

some of the name i still remember. y? coz i've learned something from them; something about life. when i look back those years, i really miss it so much. if only i can go back and enjoy all the memorable moment. rindunya zaman sekolah dulu. however whether u like it or not, student from boarding school are closer to their friends rather than their own families. tp ni i punya personal opinion.

well now i'm learning to spend more time with my families. hehe... but still when i go back to kl, i'll b looking for my friends first. it just cannot be changed. i think i can talk freely with some selected friends n they give me a good feedback. yelah, umur pun lebih kurang so they'll understand my situation better kan.

anyway, tepuk dada tanya la selera whether u wanna send you kids to boarding school or not. the important thing is how do u equip him or her with moral values before they jump into the real world. maksudnya kt sini bila diorang dah besar la...

fikir2 kan la...

i want to hold your hands n walk a mile
don't want to miss u, even a while

my life is so beautiful coz
dear it's u, my life

hug me for my worries to die
my tears to dry and
my loneliness to fly

it hurts me to know
how i sometimes can be little selfish
when it comes to u

i am getting sentimental over u!
for God sake explain me why all these

i miss u every moment of the day
i keep me awake just to listen to u
i keep me empty just for u to fill
i keep me alive just to see u

my mornings miss u
my evenings seek u
where were u all these years
y u weren't there to wipe my tears

fear of future is worse than pain of the past
still i bother the least coz u r there

even seconds are too long to miss u
i want to hold your hands n walk a mile
don't want to miss u even a while